Caroline

Have you ever had it in your hand and let it slip away? Blown away like the dream you had last night, but couldn’t quite remember? Gone away... like green leaves do every September.
As the days go by, passion turns from red, to brown, to yellow, to non-existent....to I can’t even remember.
Can’t remember what was going through my head way back then…when I would dream of her skin on my brown skin….
Insecurity…yeah, that it had to be why I didn’t even try to win…too busy looking into those eyes...wishing it would never end. No way she would accept me...I didn’t have the bank roll, the gear, the 430...placing barricades in my own way...two feet away...but might has well been down the hallway…shoot, in another state.
My mind was in another state, as my lips parted to say…..”Hey…I just want to tell you...” Dude, do you belong in Belleview?!? You better keep your mouth shut... be glad she’s your study partner...and she invited you over to ponder...and you got a mind for this...you know...signs, cosigns, regression and analysis... save yourself from getting dissed , dismissed, on some ‘ol delusional sh*t. Stick to what you know bruh...cause this is the only way you even seein’ this...chick.
Whew...back to reality...”yeah, I think the answer is ‘C’, sum of the hypotenuse squared”...I’m dying slowly. Sure I’d like to try the Mauby tea. Never known something so bitter to taste so sweet…steam rising off my cup almost as high as my heartbeat….every sip taking me back to her island homeland…the Caribbean...heard it was beautiful there, and now I know and ain’t never been….
I swear to you her skin was like crushed cinnamon...the kind that grandma used to sprinkle over the dough…with the raisins. Heart is racin’....got about thirty more minutes and Imma have to blaze then. But I’d stay as long as she’d let me....shoot ...you can go ahead and wheel the grave in. Been here ‘bout nine hours...when I get back home...what my boys gonna say then?? How you over this girl’s house all day and didn’t even get a tounge in? They gonna revoke my player card for real, and I wouldn’t righteously blame ‘em. Never really been a player for real, I was just fakin’. They never understood me anyway, no point in explaining’. I wasn’t into hittin’ and quittin...I just wanted to stay in.
Hearing her island accent tasted like honey...thick and fresh from the comb...Alone with her...in her presence was enough for me. Finally met someone that shared my love of the scholarly. Love for the algorithms, and statistical Pythagorean theorems. Every time I came up with the answers her voice seemed to quiver. Like I was hitting a spot that no man had ever delivered....like it was meant to be. I could tell the folds of her mind were moistening and opening to receive my scholarly entity. So I flipped her over on my E=mc...squared her over like two triangles oughta be...writhing in passion our minds intertwined like infinity. We were about to come to a conclusion that it was meant to be. But that was just me. She had no idea, because I couldn’t let her see....that I wanted more than just ABC and 123...I wanted C-A-R-O-L-I-N-E, on me, beside me, if you got a problem with it speak now or forever hold your peace, I wanted a house on the hill and all the bills to come to me. Baby I’ll bring home the bacon, the cheddar, AND the shrimp scampi. Damn, why can’t I shake this petrifaction , that’s keeping this love story apart like segregation...Dame just tell her how you feel...these are your feelings...don’t betray them. But fear won that battle a long time ago...I wanted to hear every word from her honey accented voice except NO.